i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
