I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
