How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
