Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
