Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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