God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
