What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
