remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
