Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this boner is exhausting
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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