She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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