he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
