Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
