I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
