Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish you could order shots online.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
