I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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