everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My penis needs a shock collar
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
