she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
