you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this is an emotional support booty call
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