I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
