the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
