Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
