You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
