Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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