If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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