Tell her she can't have a vagina
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
