no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
