I love black thongs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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