so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
