I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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