i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
