so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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