Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we made out on top of his cat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
