The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
