I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
