i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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