ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
