You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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