Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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