I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My feet surprised me
Randomize
