I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
whose parrot is this?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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