I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Drunk is not a location!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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