I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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