dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
