she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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