I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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