He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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