a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
