Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter