Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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