The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
