glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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