If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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