Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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