i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
