Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
