accomplished twins. life is a go
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
