That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
