you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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