I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.