btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????