So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"