your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
