I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i have two assholes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
