There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
