I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
