Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
