someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
