We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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