he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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