Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
