and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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