DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
