Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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